23

23. When I was young 23 seemed so old. I thought, surely I will have everything under control and planned when I am 23. Surely when I am graduating college I will have a plan and I will know my future. I couldn’t have been more wrong. As I sit here, just 7 weeks until I put on that cap and gown, I have no idea what’s next. Ohio or Florida? Tennessee or Oregon? I could be anywhere in just 3 months, but all I can do now is wait and pray that God will open and close the right doors and lead me to the exact place that He wants me.

It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged. I’d love to offer you some amazing advice that challenges you. But I’ve thought… what do I have to offer? I don’t even know where my life is heading.

My little sisters Sasha and Zoe are 5 and 4 years old and are growing up way too fast. They were just visiting and we spent the week on the beach. As I dug in the sand with them and walked on the beach, I realized how quickly life slips by, without even realizing what has happened. It seems like just yesterday I was deciding what college to go to, and now I’m deciding where I want to move to, where I want to start my roots. Sasha and Zoe, so innocent and sweet at heart are growing and they won’t remain so ‘innocent and sweet at heart’. They will struggle and they will fall. They will succeed and they will fail. But they will grow in the process, just like we all have.

Now I realize that I am just rambling. This has been how I have felt the past couple of weeks. I have so many thoughts and so much that I am processing, and it all just seems like a jumbled mess in my head. I guess that’s why I like to write sometimes, it seems to help me make sense of it all.

All that I can say right now is that when you offer your life to the Lord, truly surrendered and ready to go wherever He calls, though there are great rewards, sometimes you have to go through a time a waiting. I am reading right now through the Old Testament and I am learning a lot about the kings and their reign. It amazes me that God told David that he was going to reign and he didn’t actually become king until 10 years later. 10 years! 10 years ago to me was like a lifetime ago, just a little junior higher, I had no idea that I would end up in Florida, at that time I thought I’d stay home forever, wrapped in the comfort of my parents love. I’m sure there were several times throughout those 10 years that David thought Okay God were you joking about that thing about becoming king? He had to really wander what was going on. But in this story, I think it’s really easy to only focus on David the King… but the reality is, that David was a fugitive before he became a king. David went through struggles. He waited 10 years before he became King. The truth is, that a lot of us want to be David the king, but no one wants to be David the fugitive. My very wise Bible Professor at Southeastern, Dr. White told me not to try to achieve God’s will without using God’s method. The truth is, God’s will is more about the journey. And sometimes that journey comes at a high price.

2 Samuel 24:24 says, “…I will not sacrifice to the Lord my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing.” True sacrifice costs you something. That is what makes it a sacrifice. And sometimes the reward for the sacrifice takes many years to be recognized. But it will be worth it. 

 Right now, I feel like I am at that point. I want to be there, but the process and the time of waiting is not fun. I want so badly to be where I feel like God has called me, but I know that there is a process that must take place before that point can be reached. The question is, am I willing to go through that process?

Are you?

  

Without a valley, there is no mountain

My, what a difference a year can make. As I sit here this very moment, with both of my little sisters sitting behind me fixing my hair into a beautiful masterpiece… I take in a fresh breath of air and think about another year that has gone by. Through adversity and trials, joy and laughter, I realize how fleeting time really is. Which makes me think about what really is important in this passing life. I am brought back to the thought that through every season, good and bad alike, God is doing something new and making you, making me, into a new creation. That’s just the thing with life, Jesus carries us through seasons. Though the current season may seem empty and dry, God is sure and faithful to bring you through it all, with a story of redemption.

I look around and see divorces within family’s, broken-hearted friends, desperation, sickness and confusion. I think to myself, what good could come of this? As tears stream down my face and prayers escape my lips for these friends that I hold close to my heart, I try hard to understand why certain things happen. But then, I don’t think we are supposed to know why everything happens. If we knew the reason behind everything and what was going to happen, then where would faith fit in? And so I must accept that…

YOU MUST GO THROUGH THE VALLEY, TO STAND UPON THE MOUNTAIN OF GOD…

Countless times throughout the Psalms, David says “I will fear no evil”. Fear is brought on by an awareness of danger. The Valley’s throughout life seem dangerous, dry and hopeless. The pits, as some would say, leave a feeling of emptiness that is trying on your spirit. But in that valley, God goes with us. When we are broken hearted, God goes with us. When we are in a place of desperation, God goes with us. When those we love are plagued with sickness, God goes with us. In confusion, God goes with us. Through the high waters, through the rivers, through the fire, and through the valley, God goes with us.

BUT GOD DOESN’T JUST GO WITH US… He suffers with us.

Jesus was baptized- to take on our sin

Jesus was tempted- to take on our struggles

Jesus was crucified- to take on our death.

Wow… When we hurt, He hurts. When we mourn, He mourns.

Even in the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego this is displayed. As they are tossed into the fiery furnace, they were not alone. God took the flames upon Himself as there was a fourth person in the fire. Jesus absorbs the experiences of our lives.

And so I continue to walk, as life goes on and God walks with me. Even though I may not feel Him at this moment, I choose to believe that He is there. I choose to walk in His victory, though in this moment I see defeat. I’ve realized that where life takes us is a choice. Though we may be tested by situations, ultimately we have the opportunity to believe in victory. So when your friend is sick, understand that God’s healing is sometimes not how we picture it. And when your heart is broken, allow God to make it whole again. And when your desperation leaves you hungry for more, drink up the promises that God has given you and thank Him for the desire to know Him more. And when confusion has hit you hard and you don’t know where to turn, be still and see what doors God opens.

Sometimes you have to go through the valley to stand upon the mountain. Sometimes you have to go through the fire to be refined by Him. But God goes with you and you will stand upon that mountain.

One of my favorite devotionals is Jesus Calling By Sarah Young. Countless times I have been reading and have been put right back in my place, reminded of the simple promises of God. How can I forget so easily? This is one that I should read every single day, because it is certainly the thing that I struggle with most:

“I am leading you, step by step, through your life. Hold my hand in trusting dependence, letting me guide you through this day. Your future looks uncertain and feels flimsy—even precarious. That is how it should be. Secret things belong to the Lord, and future things are secret things. When you try to figure out the future, you are grasping at things that are Mine. This, like all forms of worry, is an act of rebellion: doubting My promises to care for you. Whenever you find yourself worrying about the future, repent and return to Me. I will show you the next step forward, and the one after that, and the one after that. Relax and enjoy the journey in My Presence, trusting Me to open up the way before you as you go.” (taken from Deuteronomy 29:29 and Psalm 32:8 Jesus Calling By Sarah Young)

And so I am reminded yet again, worry is an act of rebellion. He promises to care for you, He promises to care for me. I must return to Him. I must trust Him through each season and allow Him to show me His next steps. And I must remember, without a valley, there is no mountain.

A sacrifice that taught me more about love

As I was playing with Sasha tonight a squeal of delight escaped from her inner most being. Her eyes were bright with joy as I tickled her and she laughed so hard she couldn’t breath. These are the moments. As I looked into her dark almond eyes a quick thought ran through me that made me stop and think. I wonder what her birth parent’s look like. I wonder where they are and what they are like. I began to think about Sasha and Zoe and how far they have come, all the way across the world and into a new life. I began to think of each of their birthmothers over in China who carried them each for 9 months and went through labor to bring these beautiful girls onto this planet. Can you imagine, giving birth to a child, and then not being allowed to keep her, even if you long to hold her close? Can you imagine the fear she might have had as she carried her baby girl to an unknown location, gave her one last kiss and then walked away, leaving her to be found by someone? How I am so thankful for her. Though it is not often viewed this way, she gave quite the sacrifice.

As I try to sit and imagine what forces cause them to leave their child. I cannot imagine taking a fragile newborn child and putting her at such risk by leaving her somewhere to be found. It breaks my heart to just think about it. But I am grateful for these people’s sacrifice, unknown and unnamed. I know nothing of their situation. Every year on Sasha and Zoe’s birthday, they must wonder what has become of their child. Wondering where she is, and what she is doing. Wondering if she survived, and if someone found their baby girl.

As I walked through China this summer my life was changed as I felt the oppression and saw the poverty. As I looked into the eyes of the local Chinese people I couldn’t help but think, I wonder which one gave birth to my sister. Sasha and Zoe’s birthparents must wonder every time they see a western parent wondering the streets of their hometown, asian girl in their arms, could this child be mine? Maybe as we wondered the streets of Yangchun and drove the hilly crumbling slums of Baotou, we were staring into the sad eyes of a parent of one of my sisters. We will never know.

So now I sit in amazement. Looking back on this year, I stand in awe of what God has done. Though it has been a tough year, one of the hardest yet, I am so thankful for the lessons I have learned and the joy that God has given, even through adversity. I am thankful for love, not the artificial, feel good, everything is perfect kind of love, but true love that can only come from Christ. Love that is strong through pain, through struggles, and through weakness. Love that trusts, love that perseveres, and love that hopes. Love that comes from above.

Love is not love if it neatly calculates the cost.  It gives all and its only regret is that it has not still more to give.

You don’t bless me so that I can close my eyes and fold my hands and be content with what I have You don’t fill me so that I can live a life that’s full and free for only me.

There’s so much more left to do… so bring on the New Year. I can’t wait to see what His next calling for me will be.

A new Perspective…

Have you ever wanted something so badly that you feel like you would do almost anything to experience it? When I was a Freshman I had Mono. Some days I remember being so tired, I felt like I could hardly make it over to my dorm, up the stairs, down the hall, and into my room. My own strength was not enough to carry me. I would sit through class, feeling so weak it was unbearable. I desired to stay up late, pull all nighters with my friends, and experience my first year at Southeastern as a “normal” college student, but it was not happening for me! But really, do you ever feel like you just can’t wait any longer?

Lately God has been teaching me a lot about waiting, surrender and trust. God is planting in me a new vision, and a new perspective, a heavenly one. And so,  I have been thinking… what would a heavenly perspective look like? Do you ever wander what we will think of when we are finally in the presence of our Lord? I mean, I’m sure that we won’t really care about the little situations that bother us now, but really, what will it be like? Will I regret the moments that I worried about my future? Will I wish I would have seen things from different point of view? Will the situations that seemed to CONTROL my LIFE, seem so minuscule when I am in the presence of my Father?

It’s so easy to become distracted. It’s so easy to lose sight of His calling, to lose hope, and to live in confusion. It is so easy to live in man’s expectations instead of obeying God’s command.

And so this is my cry:

That i would begin to live in the joy that God has granted me today.

That I would live viewing life from a heavenly perspective, and not an earthly one.

that i would believe god, not just in god.

that i would not rationalize the things of this world… because rationalization leads to a life of compromise.

And finally, that i would live in every moment. Take hold of this life that god has granted me, and give my everything to Jesus, who gave his all to me.

To those of you who read, thanks for going through this journey with me. I am not an expert, I am young, I am naive, but I am growing. I am clenching on to the Word that the Lord has given me and going through life, one step at a time. I am looking forward, moving on, and living in the joy that everyday brings. This is life, and I am tired of seeing it from a human perspective. I refuse to live in defeat. It is time to stop settling for bearable, when beauty is around the corner.

 

 

Hope Awakened

Wake me up, Lord, from this somber sleep

Awaken my heart Lord, and heal this grief.

Open my eyes let me see like you

Take my worries and make them few.

 

Capture this hope, which has been abort

Awaken this hope, may I not fall short.

Plant in me, a new seed of life

End this sadness, take hold of this strife.

 

My eyes are opened; I’ve been made new

It’s time to arise; it’s time to breakthrough.

My heart has been broken, put together again

And here in your presence is where I’ll remain.

 

Your nail-scarred hands I will not forget

They’re engraved in my mind; I’m forever in debt.

Your loving arms embrace me now

I’ve committed my life; I’ve made a vow.

 

You’ll forever love me; I’ll forever serve you

Your words are unyielding, they’re forever true.

Faithful and steady, your words are alive

So just and powerful, my death, you revive.

 

Wake me up Lord, restore my heart.

Awaken my soul Lord, tear me apart

But let me grow closer, to you my king

Forever and always, to your word I will cling.

-Mikelle Liette

 

Becoming refined by My Most High God

The girls and me after Zoe's Baby Dedication

When I first began this blog back in April, I knew that I was beginning a journey. A journey to another world, a journey that we had been waiting for years to begin, a journey that would be scary, fascinating, emotional, yet fulfilling. But what I have realized is that this life, the excitement, the joys, the sorrows, and the confusion are what the real journey is. This summer has just been one little piece of it. Sure, it has been a milestone, one that will never be forgotten. But life moves right on along, and carries you with it… even if you aren’t ready.

As you can imagine, and if you have been reading my blog, you know that life that the Liette house has been anything but peaceful. Chaos would be a fitful word I suppose. But as time goes on, I have realized that it is either getting less chaotic, or I am getting used to the chaos! Maybe a little of both! But I cannot express the blessings and the joy that comes along with all of the chaos. Without these two little girls entering our family, life would be so dull and so boring. They bring sunshine into my life.

In one month I will return back to school. Wow, how could summer be so far gone? When I realize the little time that I have left at home… I begin thinking about all the things I want to do before I leave. Most of that time I hope to spend with the little princesses.

When I reflect upon this summer I am left with a feeling different than I have ever experienced. The other night as I lay in bed I found myself with tears staining my cheeks. Upset about present situations and worried about the future. My heart was aching and I was in a complete state of brokenness. I laid there for a few hours… just trying to make some sense of my life. Where I am? and where I am going? I was so upset and so focused on, ME.

So I pulled out my Bible and flipped open a few pages. I stopped at a page and glanced at a portion that was underlined. As I looked down, the words flashed through my mind and pushed me to a new place…

He told her, You’re talking like an empty-headed fool. We take the good days from God—why not also the bad days? Not once through all this did Job sin. He said nothing against God.

Job 2:10

Wow. Sometimes the Lord knows just what you need when you are completely focused on your troubles and your needs. My heart was changed and my eyes were lifted off of myself.

Life brings you through different seasons. The highs and the lows, and the bumps in the roads… these are all things that form each person into who they are. Last year the hall in my dorms theme was refine. This came from Malachi chapter 3 where it says, “He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.” As I looked more into this concept of refinement, I found this story:

There was a group of women in a Bible study on the book of Malachi.  As they were studying chapter three they came across verse three which says, “He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.” This verse puzzled the women and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.

One of the women offered to find out about the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible study. That week the woman called up a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn’t mention anything about the reason for her interest in silver beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver. As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that, in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest so as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot – then she thought again about the verse, that He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver. She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. For if the silver was left even a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, “How do you know when the silver is fully refined?”  He smiled at her and answered, “Oh, that’s the easy part — when I see my image reflected in it.”

What a phenomenal description of God’s love and tenderness towards us, his children. As I read this story I can begin to understand just a little bit about the reason why we go through times of trouble, and times of confusion. If this verse means what it says, it means that God has to watch us so very closely when we are going through the fire, for if we are left in the fire for too long, we will be destroyed. God takes us out at just the right time. He knows exactly how much we can handle, because he created us! I am becoming more and more refined, through each struggle, and through each trial. Someday I will be fully refined, and my Jesus will be able to see His complete image reflected in me. What a beautiful thing that will be.

And so hold on tight. This life is indeed a journey. But through the thick and the thin, recognize that Christ is refining you into a masterpiece. Something beautiful, something like HIM.

I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. YET THIS I CALL TO MIND and therefore I HAVE HOPE:

Because the LORDS GREAT LOVE we are NOT CONSUMED, for his COMPASSIONS NEVER FAIL. They are new every morning. GREAT is YOUR FAITHFULNESS.

Lamentations 3:19-23

Such personalities

Sasha turns 4!!!

Beautiful Girl

Picnic!!

The girls after Zoe's Baby Dedication at church

Baby Dedication

Dedicating little Liette to the Lord

Sasha's very first Ballet Recital!

Patient–faithful–Genuine–Striving for purity

I’m sorry that it has been so long since I have blogged. I have been thinking and praying a lot… but the words have not come. I don’t believe that I can even fully express what I have been feeling this summer. Although the process of adopting Zoe took several years to complete, it was in one split second that my families life was changed. As I think back to that day in Inner Mongolia that was just over a month ago I remember it so clearly. I can remember glancing out the window, and there she was, walking up to our hotel. So scared. The change that has taken place in her temperament, attitude, and even personality has been unbelievable. We are so blessed. This summer has been one of my hardest summers home so far, but it has also been one of my best summers home. Yes, our family is finally complete. It took so long, that sometimes it seems surreal that she is actually home with us. But sure enough, as I walked into her room to night, there I saw her, all snuggled up next to her big sister Sasha. What an amazing sight to see. Two precious angels, once tossed and turned in a crib at an orphanage across the world with no hope of a future now lay peacefully next to each other and are finally understanding that they have a family.

A forever family.

And so where does this leave me now? Honestly, I have never questioned my future more than I have this summer. What does God have in store for me? Who am I to know? There are so many questions floating through my mind, and when I ask God for answers, His reply remains the same.

Trust me with patience.

Trust and patience. I suppose that is where I am now. Perhaps I shouldn’t say that is where I am, perhaps I should say that is what I am striving to reach.

There are so many things that I would love to happen right now, but I can hear God’s simple voice whisper, be patient.

And so here I wait. My feet are planted firm on the Words of the Lord and I will wait, in patience, trusting that the Lord has the timing of everything just right.

“Life is Lived Forward and Understood Backwards.”

This life is not my own, and the Lords plans are so much better than my plans. And so for now friends, I am in a season of waiting. This too shall pass, and when it does, my Jesus will reveal something beautiful, something pure, and something steadfast. And only then will I know, what the waiting was all about.

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”

Ps. 51:10

So, Friends

Be patient, be faithful, be genuine. Be who He created you to be. His timing is not ours.

Until Tomorrow,

Mikelle

It’s a new season!!

Scroll down for link to the homecoming movie

We’ve now been home for a week and a half, but I must say it seems like it has been much longer! As expected, it has taken a lot of time, frustration, and energy to adjust to the change that our family has just experienced. But I know that it will all be worth it. It already is.

Since we have been home, God has shown me so much about who He created me to be and my purpose on this earth. I am understanding now more than ever that God knows the exact perfect timing of everything in each persons life. Though waiting requires faith, trust, and mostly patience, perseverance is developed and lessons are learned.

Girls night out at Dairy Queen!

Ashley Weidner of Passion Photography took pictures for us at the airport for our homecoming on June 11. Michelle Mckibben of Michelle Mckibben Photography is a dear friend of our family. The Mckibben family has embarked on the same journey as our family and brought their little girl home from China in 2006. Michelle did an amazing job taking the pictures and putting a video together for Sasha’s homecoming. She was able to make a homecoming video for Zoe as well, from the pictures that Ashley took.

Grab a handful of tissues as you watch this beautiful girl enter into her new life.

Follow this link:

Zoe’s Homecoming Movie

Back home… But a different person

Since we have been home I have been overwhelmed with a plethora of emotions. I feel like the emotion of the past 3 weeks has hit me with a blast like a huge ocean wave slams into a bank. I have felt joy, yet I have felt sorrow. I have felt peace, yet I have been amidst arguments. I have felt defeated, yet have had victories. God is teaching me new things through experiences that I have never had. I have learned what it truly means to give of myself, and let me tell you, it is a painful process. Yet through this pain, there is this steadfast sense of peace, because I know that this is what God has called our family to do.

When I try to process everything that I saw the last couple weeks that I spent in China I become overwhelmed with this feeling that I have not done enough. I saw too many lifeless and empty eyes staring back at me to feel much of a sense of accomplishment. When I realize there is little more that I can do for them than offer prayer, my heart breaks. Yes, I believe in the power of prayer. How do you think we began on this journey in the first place, and endured the long wait? Prayer is powerful, but my heart tells me that I must not stop at prayer. Perhaps that means going to China for a longer period of time after college and serving at Sasha’s old orphanage. Perhaps that means working for an adoption agency one day. Perhaps it means adopting for myself one day. I’m not completely sure, but I will tell you one thing I know. Those children that are hurting and desperate for love, have changed my life, and their faces will forever be engraved in my mind.

And so what do I do now? Good question. How can I come back from such a journey and return to normal life, as if I did not just experience such a major life change? I simply cannot. So for now I will do what I know I must do. I will learn to serve. I will learn what self-sacrifice really means within my family. I will learn to truly live in love with my family, which if we are all honest, we know family is some of the hardest people to love at times. I will embrace this new blessing that has entered our family and show her the love of my Jesus, praying that she will accept in one day soon. I will pray for those that we handed Chinese Bibles to, and believe that there will begin to be a revival in that dry and oppressed land. And lastly, I will believe and start living in the truth that God has big plans for my future, because I know that He really does.

God has taken my heart and broke it into a million different pieces on this journey. He is carefully taking those pieces and placing them in an arrangement that will one day be a masterpiece. I am learning what it truly means to be a woman of God who serves wholeheartedly, amidst different circumstances that come my way.

I don’t have a challenge to offer you. I don’t even know where this journey will bring me next. But I do know one thing, this journey is not over, for this is just the beginning. And I believe

The Best is Yet to Come.

Until Tomorrow,

Mikelle

Heading Home!!

We’re Coming HOME!!!!

I am all packed up and we are leaving tomorrow morning (Friday morning here, Thursday night at home)! We will land in Dayton at 6pm Friday night!! It is such a weird feeling… I am so glad that I was able to come to China and experience all of this, but I am so ready to be home and enjoy summer!

Today my mom and I decided to take our last few hours this afternoon to go shopping (of course) at a recommended market. My dad can’t comprehend how we can shop every single day that we are here, and still desire to shop more. I don’t think he’ll ever get it, but we definitely love to shop! The 4 of us girls caught a taxi, and took off. We spent a couple of hours there and then decided we better take a taxi back to the hotel to get back in time to meet our group for pictures and dinner. When we got in line to catch a taxi we realized that everyone was leaving at that time and it was going to be a long wait. We looked around and noticed that, as usual, we were the only blondes in the area, and anyone we tried to talk to, didn’t speak English. Finally this girl came up and said she would get us a ride. We were really hesitant at first but decided it would take way too long to wait in the taxi line. She called her friend and he pulled up in a mini van. He or his friend did not speak very good English, which complicated the matter, and we didn’t even know if he knew where our hotel was. To make a long story short, we thought that it could be our last life experience, because we really didn’t know where he was taking us. And of course, we don’t know our way around Guangzhoe. Well, we obviously made it back okay, but it was quite the adventure, and kind of scary too. It will really be nice to have people that speak my own language all around me tomorrow! Praise the Lord! We need to learn how to say “I know mandarin” in mandarin, so that we can say it to the ladies that stare and are obviously talking about Sasha and Zoe.

The past 18 days have been unbelievable and I will leave this country a different person than I was when I entered it. I have now experienced the squatty potty, the crazy markets, the frighteningly dangerous drivers, the amazing shopping, the rude men, the disgusting food, and the staring people. But all of these things seem insignificant when I recognize that I have just experienced the love of the most high God and have shared it with someone else. What an incredible feeling.

Well I am really tired and we are waking up in just a few hours to leave for our flight!

Good night one more time from Guangzhoe, China! And See you Soon!!!

daddy and his babies

The group that we travelled with

We wore our Asian dresses for our last dinner in China